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Day 5 ‘Thelytoky’

Having a fulfilling life without children

According to the national statistics, more and more women these days are choosing not to have children or putting it off till later years. According to the national statistics,

Having children used to be a women’s duty, but modern society is changing this view, and childless couples are on the rise.

I fit into the childless category; I’m in my thirties, recently married and work from home. My situation makes me ripe for childbearing in society, and I often get asked about starting a family. A friend told me, it’s easier to say you can’t have children, when someone enquires, because there are no follow-up questions. I usually say, I’m happy with my life, but I still get ‘you’ll make a great mum’ and ‘there is still time. What if my life doesn’t need to be fulfilled by a bouncing ball of joy?

I got diagnosed with bipolar as a teenager, and my education got put on hold. This year, I graduated from university, and I want to concentrate on my career and wellbeing. I congratulate those who can do it all, a career in one hand, baby in the other, but I cannot. I also don’t have that maternal instinct to want to care for a child. My husband is a soldier, and it’s hard enough being alone when he’s away, and I don’t want to have to raise a family apart. These are just some of the reasons why I choose not to have children, and concentrating on my career is the main drive. There is a more personal reason why I don’t want children. I don’t like the gamble of having a girl who could inherit my bipolar, I’ve struggled with the condition, and I would hate to be the reason my child struggles. You can live a normal life with mental health, but I don’t think I could forgive myself. That’s my burden to carry, and while I have that mindset, I won’t have any.

A handful of my friends are childless, excel in their career and have a great social life, but I feel pressured. I live on a military patch, and most women have children. I managed to find a lady who was childless and concentrating on her career, but three months later, she was pregnant. I remind myself I enjoy my freedom and love the choices I could take, like business trips abroad. If you are feeling pressured, ask yourself, why do I want a child? If the answer is, to create a life, that’s not good enough. My only reason is to see what a splice of British and Asian would look like, and that’s not a valid reason. I would hate to regret having a child, because it would be imprinted on me, and leave a sour taste. Maybe one day I will change my mind, but until that day I’m happy with my family of pets and husband.

I am challenging myself to write a 500-word post a day for 30 days. I will choose a random word from the dictionary and to make this challenge more complicated; I will use the same word to create posts on Twitter and Instagram. I will create a haiku for twitter and post a photo on Instagram. If the word I choose is too obscure to make a post, I will choose another word.

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