I think it's always good to promote your own work. I've been writing this novel for over 12 years and it got me through bad times. Knowing I could live in a fantasy realm with characters I would never meet, but that's ok that wasn't the point. The point was I needed to know that people out there could love me, ugh I've had my fair share of arseholes. I degrees...
I'm now married and as a Christian, I take my vows seriously and well we met on a chance on tinder.
The point I'm making is my book is about friendship more so than lovers because there like one sex scene and its crap, lol. Proper PG, coz it's a teen novel.
I just need to find the right chapter to show my besties what they mean to me and how in my fantasy realm we were best friends forever because back when people were teens it was about friendship and not dating. Maybe I was different, I didn't date until I was 15 and that guy was an arse and broke my heart, but he didn't get to second base so ha. Anyway I lost my virginity at 17 to a guy on my period, how crap is that, but hey he was my first and I was in love.
I tried so hard to find someone right for me and ended up dating so many players because I assumed if I could change them then maybe I dunno . It took it's toll. I put myself in dangerous situations, taken advance twice, I refuse to say rape.
Omg, Ive dated like 15 guys and I
The one good thing about friendships is they will last forever you can't guarantee that with relationships. Wtf I'm I typying a one way conversation. At least I can see a positve
I'm fucking good at script writing, have such a messed up doll collector story.
Hm, I digre
I have to let you go, its not fair on you, and its fucking with my head.
ffs, at least my book can show the difference between reality and dreaming ie the other side as I put it. The otherside being the world of celebrities who live in their bubble who never think to date norms
so you know what the shakespearn way of love suxs
A girl will never just meet a guy without the lables
It doesn't happen but it does in my stories
Im so tired, I'm stronger but tired of this shit
Im tired of having a heart which belongs in the dark ages before technology ffs
but I will still write because at least there romance can touch my readers
let me find a sample of my work
this was the chapter i was editing today so bear with this isn't the final cut
ffs don't fucking anayse it, take it at face value ffs
Im just fed up of having a mind which no one gets ugh ppl misinturrpet me all the time, apparently good ppl have walk all over me stamped on their heed
wtf is this song
the good news is I can have complete dialogues in myhead and with my characters in book and think Im crazywell now i don't I'm just special ugh hate that word
A white mist clears, revealing heart shape trees. Vanilla pods from white lilies fragrant the air and blanket the meadow. Starlings tweet and form shapes in the sky and the sun highlights the snowy peaks. A cold wind rips red leaves off the trees, disfiguring their heart shape. The leaves circle me, I try to move but they slice my skin. I crouch down and hug my legs.
‘Wake up, wake up.’ I repeat to myself. The leaves drop to the ground, releasing their hold on me. The moon engulfs the sun, causing a tidal wave of black mist, which engulfs the hills. A flock of starlings gets consumed by the darkness of the mist and drops to the ground. Standing up, I rub my hands together to stop them going numb. I let out a long breath of smoke. The mist speeds up as it makes its way over the meadow, turning the lilies black and causing the trees to wither. I look around for an escape and see a cave in the distance. I spot animal eyes at the entrance.
‘Poxy.’ I shout.
Poxy steps out from the cave. ‘Mia, run.’ The smell of rotten eggs overwhelms my senses, making me gag. I cover my ears like nails on a chalkboard screeching comes from within the mist, within the darkness. The mist washes over a mouse, stripping it of flesh and life. I stare at the mists rhythmic movement, which remind me of sea waves.
‘Mia, run.’ Repeats Poxy.
I snap out of the trance and run towards the cave, but feel a weight on my chest, as the mist catches up to me. I struggle forward and dive into the cave. I exhale and concentrate on my breathing to control my racing heart. Something cold grabs my leg, I dig my nails into the soil as it pulls me out of the cave. The mist forms into an army of the Corcarcus. They screech at me as they strip their bodies of their shadow form. Corpse like figures resembling starving people edge closer towards me. I kick my feet out as they grab my legs.
‘Poxy, help me.’
Poxy appears from inside the cave and sits in front of me.
‘It’s all in the mind. Take some deep breaths and remember you’re stronger.’
He puts his paw on my hand, making a warm sensation flood over me.
‘I’m not strong. These drugs I’m on are weakening me.’ I lose my grip and get pulled into the darkness.
Poxy pulls me back into the cave with his mouth. ‘No, It’s in your mind. Even with pills, you’re strong because the pills don’t control you, they ground you.’
I dig my nails into the soil as more hands grab at my feet and try to pull me back. I close my eyes, it’s all in the mind, I repeat to myself over and over. I visualise the Corcarcus as a solid matter and kick one of them in the face. I imagine a petrol can and lit match in my hand. I twist around and pour the petrol over the Corcarcus, who screech and let go of my legs.
‘I think you need a bit of warmth.’ I smile as I throw the match on them. Fire creates holes in their bodies and sparks. Like fireworks, sparks of light explodes off them and they disintegrate.
‘I knew you could handle it.’ Poxy helps me up.
I brush the Corcarcus ash off my legs.
‘Please stop with these tests.’
‘Come this way, we need to talk.’ Poxy turns and heads deeper into the cave.
‘Seriously, no more tests.’ I say, shaking Corcarcus ash out of my hair and following him.
The cave resembles my home bedroom, complete with panda bedding.
Poxy sits on my bed. ‘Do these surroundings make you feel more at ease?’
I nod. ‘Huh, you even put in a window.’ I open the curtains to a blue sky. Zoe is lying in the garden and Mum is tending to the flowerbed.
‘Wow, love the little details, did you find these in my memories?’
‘Maybe.’ Poxy kneads the bedcovers like a cat and lies down.
‘Sometimes I would swear you're more like a cat than a fox.’ I say stroking his head.
‘I think there’s a cat on my dad’s side of the family.’ Says Poxy purring.
‘Poxy, can I trust Rose and Stuart?’ I sit on the bed next to him.
‘No. You also can’t escape because the hospital is in the countryside. You need to be vigilant and patient.’
‘I don’t want to be in a hospital with others who have lost their minds. I feel vulnerable.’ I hug my panda bear.
‘You won’t be alone; Sabina will be there. You need to guide her, she’s in a very dark place.’
‘She’s such a lovely girl. You said the medication grounds me? It also has side effects. It makes me tired and dizzy.’
‘The right medication will help ground you and shield you from the Corcarcus. Ask about Lithium.’
‘Yes, it will focus your mind for the war ahead. There’s no quick solution. The Corcarcus will use the humans as puppets and try to dope you up, to stop you from seeing me.’
‘I’m confused, should I stop the medication.’
‘No, well maybe the sleeping tablets.’
I yawn and rub my eyes.
‘You need to rest.’ He gets up and pulls back the bedsheets.
I climb into the bed and he tucks me in.
‘Poxy, I trust you, but I’m scared of my nightmares. My hands shake. ‘That deep voice in the lift.’
‘We can’t let Distructo find you.’
‘You mentioned him before when you locked me in the clock.’
He nods. ‘The Corcarcus are his slaves. If he appears in your dreams, don’t confront him, run.’
‘I will try.’
‘Do not confront him. He’s the one who started the war in my world. He’s the one who wants to blacken your soul and steal your light. Ask for lithium, please it will make you stronger. Don’t take the sleeping tablets because they will stop you from controlling your dreams.’
‘Ok.’ I yawn and snuggle into the duvet which hugs me. ‘What do I do about the staff? They want me to try group therapy.
Poxy shrugs his shoulders. ‘Just keep your guard up. Keep a close watch on Sabina. Remember not to mention me. Now, rest.’
I look at the window and a night sky has replaced the blue canvas. My dream was coming to an end.
‘Please, I want to keep dreaming.’ I try to sit up but Poxy pushes me back down with his nose.
‘Sh. I’m not going anywhere. Even when I’m not around, I will always find a way to communicate with you. You’re never alone.’
‘Oh Poxy.’ I pick him up and cuddle him.
The love of others keeps the nightmares I have at bay.
Ihave had them since i was a kid, i mean like 8 lol, i taught myself to be stronger know. Poxy and Chad (may of renamed him), have helped me through my troubles in a fucked up way.
Im now in my 30 and tired of this shit
I got married to guy I love and now coz his deployed a lot i can concentrate on my career
at fucking last
always put guys first since that first guy, why i let my heart rule my head
so i suppose ooo lightbulb
ok so Poxy the fox who turns into jack at the end represents my crush on a guy called jack who liked me back when i hdnt even dated
while chad is kinda a mix between my love of going to America and my arsehole of first guy i dated who dumped me coz i wouldn't you know...
yeah i suppose the mesh up
i needed inspiration from ppl i was inspired by, muses blah that sounds corny
there you go the born of two crushes which turned into a wild story that I'm going to publish lol.
well one day
may do this talent agent stuff first, see were that gets me77
that shitty acid reflux made me diet and exercise so hey who knows.
maybe doing a gig where i just get my hair made up which is cool
this is so weird having a one way conversation, fucked up but fuck it I'm a better writer for it, so cant complain
my laptop going into sleep mood on 5mins
btw ok i need reality check cos this one way mirror wird
one last thing
i actually made a thank you design on the bus but posted it in the red post box77on i give my art work away to show those i appreciate them