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Day 10 ‘Eviscerate’

I wish I could get a human MOT

Most women have a negative body image, ‘over ’91 % of women are unhappy with their bodies‘. We are all flawed, but seeing perfect models airbrushed in magazines doesn’t’ help our self-image. We should be celebrating our bodies flaws, not putting our self’s down and worrying. We all have different shapes and histories with our bodies, so it’s not one image fits all. The problem for those who have body issues is we have these high expectations of what we want our body to be like, and it’s not always possible to achieve. Analysing my relationship with my body will help me confront the demons that sit on my shoulder and tell me I’m ugly.

I don’t think my relationship with my body has ever been healthy, especially my battle with my stomach. At fifteen, I got morning sickness from the contraceptive pill I took for heavy periods. I would throw up most mornings before school, and my solution was to stop eating breakfast, I still find it hard to eat early. My relationship with my stomach didn’t improve as I got older, and the cocktail of medications I got put on, had a list of side effects. I developed irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD). My worse incident involved eating coleslaw, my stomach’s kryptonite. My bowels became inflamed, which resulted in a trip to the hospital. There have been times I wish I could have a human MOT and have my bowels replaced.

I don’t have a positive body image and envy those who do, because it’s exhausting being so negative. My stomach can balloon and make me feel fat. I’ve even been approached at work and asked if I was pregnant. I know I don’t help myself and give in to temptations; I’m a sugar addict. If I had more discipline, exercised regularly and had a clean diet, my stomach may praise me instead of torturing me. It’s got to a stage, that the constant pain and sickness has become my new norm.

My stomach problems affect how I feel about my body image, I don’t feel pretty, and sometimes I can’t look in the mirror. I have this image of myself in my head and what I see is not that. I’m curvy, but when my stomach bloats, I feel unsexy. I’m hoping the modelling shoot I’ve got coming up will help change my perception. I know I need to learn to love what I have, and if I want to change, I need to work for it. Moaning and getting upset over my stomach is just going to send me into a low, but being productive may help me feel happier.

If the majority of women have a bad body image, it means we aren’t alone. It’s not a bad thing to want to improve your body, if it’s realistic and makes you happy. From analysing myself, I’ve realised I need to stop giving myself a hard time and work on my confidence.

I am challenging myself to write a 500-word post a day for 30 days. I will choose a random word from the dictionary and to make this challenge more complicated; I will use the same word to create posts on Twitter and Instagram. I will create a haiku for twitter and post a photo on Instagram. If the word I choose is too obscure to make a post, I will choose another word..

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